ye gods i'm tired. i think that i managed to drift off around 0330. i had terrifying dreams that i cannot for the life of me remember.

so, here's my morning mantra...

"it is by caffeine alone i set my mind in motion,
it is by the beans of java that thoughts acquire speed,
the hands acquire shaking, the shaking becomes a warning,
it is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion."

- author unknown, with thanks and apologies to frank herbert

damn. sometimes you come across a song that completely sums up your whole existence in a perfect little polished gem. so, i present the lyrics to audioslave's "i am the highway"...

pearls and swine bereft of me
long and weary my road has been
i was lost in the cities
alone in the hills
no sorrow or pity for leaving i feel

i am not your rolling wheels
i am the highway
i am not your carpet ride
i am the sky

friends and liars don't wait for me
i'll get on all by myself
i put millions of miles
under my heels
and still too close to you
i feel

i am not your rolling wheels
i am the highway
i am not your carpet
i am the sky
i am not your blowing wind
i am the lightning
i am not your autumn moon
i am the night

the night, the lightning, the sky, the highway. i am these things, and i've forgotten that. it's too bad.

elena's ride through chernobyl.

the english is broken, the pictures are heart=breaking.

so, what in the heck is this all about? mozilla is the open-source version of netscape.

i hate netscape. with a flaming purple-polkadotted passion, i hate netscape. but mozilla is different, and firefox is just the browser - nothing fancy, but so much better than the offering from microsloth, it's incredible.

here's what it does that ie doesn't:

• tabbed browsing (the bomb)


• pop-up blocking


• integrated download manager


• much, much more

if you're not interested by now, you're not really a geek. i swear that this thing has completely and totally replaced ie on all my machines. it's small (6 megs or so) secure (none of that narsty ie buggy-ness) and doesn't make your computer a gaping hole that screams "do me" to spyware and other uglies on the 'net.

go get it. now. make it your default browser, and free yourself from internet explorer.

you know what i mean...

no words of wisdom, no musings of a mind gone astray. all i can say is that i am not happy. i do not remember the last time i felt true happiness - wait. that's a lie. i can, but i can't bear to think of those days anymore, because they were a dream, one made more real by belief in the unbelievable.

and to think, i actually thought it was true. i think this thing is the one stark cruel reality that i have the hardest time with.

i believed, so totally and completely that it blotted out the sun. in the darkness of burned-out dreams, i prepare to sleep, to face another daybreak, another period of wakefulness as a shadow in the sun.

i was a fool.

she walks in beauty, like the night
of cloudless climes and starry skies,
and all that's best of dark and bright
meets in her aspect and her eyes;
thus mellow'd to that tender light
which heaven to gaudy day denies.

one shade the more, one ray the less,
had half impair'd the nameless grace
which waves in every raven tress
or softly lightens o'er her face,
where thoughts serenely sweet express
how pure, how dear their dwelling-place.

and on that cheek and o'er that brow
so soft, so calm, yet eloquent,
the smiles that win, the tints that glow,
but tell of days in goodness spent,—
a mind at peace with all below,
a heart whose love is innocent.

hasn't it? all is relatively well. round we are and roll we do. there's too much to post in one itty bitty lil ole news blurb, but in a nutsell, i've been busy. work, life, very little time for play, etc.

also, i've switched internet service providers, and am now with comcast. if you ever go with them for cable modem broadband, be sure that you do not enable IPSec on your linksys router - the screwball setup on their backbone will prevent you from doing any dns lookups.

enough angst. maddie is well. i yet draw breath. i'll try very much to carpe less diem, and actually keep up. in the interim, there are some new (well, old now)pictures of the girl here...